Before I start with my Amazing non-Psychic Predictions I've got to ask: Has anyone else noticed how remarkably lousy psychics have been lately? I mean, where were the psychic predicting Katrina and the giant Tsunami or even Nine Eleven? Not a peep. Did you hear a peep? Because I sure didn't and you'd think that huge events like those would be a real piece of cake to seasoned prophets and they weren't - apparently.
Oh, well. I guess I should be grateful because all those other so-called psychics are setting the bar pretty low for me and my amazing predictions. Mine are absolutely without any paranormal powers because you don't need any special psychic powers to just guess what's pretty obvious in the first place. Here goes.
First non-psychic prediction: Former-Super-Lobbyist Jack Abrahmoff will name names and several influential Republican politicians will be implicated and ... nothing at all will happen to them. C'mon, almost the entire US Judiciary owes their jobs to these very same Republicans and one thing the Republicans don't do - and that goes for Republican Judges - they don't eat their own young. Nobody's going to prison. Maybe a Democrat will, because they like money, too, but they aren't so crafty as their brethern on the other side.
Second non-psychic prediction: The war in Iraq will drag on and on. No viable government will establish itself - or I should say - some sort of government will be established but everybody will know it isn't real. The Bush administration will claim victory anyways, democracy on the march blah, blah, blah. He'll probably even make a speech with that written in the background.
The death toll will continue to rise.
Third non-psychic prediction: There will be no draft. There will be no draft because that would mean that oil company executives would have to send their own children to fight for their special interests, instead of having the poor do it for them. That won't happen.
Fourth non-psychic prediction: Bush will not be impeached and his popularity will continue to rise. How can that happen, you ask? Well, answer me this: How come it's happened already? You'd think illegal wire-taps would have sealed the deal on that impeachment but it's all for patriotism and to prevent nine-eleven from ever happening again.
Aren't you patriotic? Do you want nine eleven to happen again? Then just shut up and quit being disloyal.
Fifth non-psychic prediction: Natural disasters will continue to ravage the United States. I'm seeing grass fires in California, mudslides - also in California - and at least one large Earthquake in ... yep, California. Why all in this state?
Simple, God doesn't like them so much. They've got it too good there, so he wants to plague them to make up for it.
There will be flooding, more hurricanes, plane crashes and such but most of the bad stuff will be on the West Coast.
Sixth non-psychic prediction: War will break out across the globe and Americans won't care unless the warring parties are either white or have oil under their land. Genocide will continue in Africa and the UN will stay well clear of it and especially the US.
Seventh non-psychic prediciton: Poverty will continue to increase in the United States as it has for the past six years. The minimum wage will never be raised again. As more people become destitute the number of people believing in evangelical Christianity will rise. Jesus likes the poor and now that there are more poor in the United States it must mean that our country is even more blessed.
Praise the Lord.
Well, that's about it. Happy New Year! And hopefully when 2007 rolls around you can tell me how wrong I was. And boy, I sure hope I am wrong.
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